Tantrums as a Teaching Tool

Ways to Help Children Learn by Elizabeth Crary

 

 

1. Acknowledge children’s feelings.

 

            You can help do that by helping children develop a feeling vocabulary and by validating their feelings.  You can validate feelings by listening to the child and reflecting the feelings you hear.  Listen without judging.  Remain separate.  Remember, a child’s feelings belong to him or her.  When you reflect the feeling, you are not attempting to solve the problem.  Accepting the feeling is the first steps towards dealing with it.

 

 

2. Help children distinguish between feelings and actions.

 

            All feelings are okay.  Actions may or may not be okay depending on the situation.  For example, hitting a baseball is fine.  Hitting a person is not acceptable.  You can clarify the difference by saying, “It’s okay to be mad, and I cannot let you hit Eli.”  You can also model the difference between feelings and action.

 

 

3. Teach children several ways to calm themselves down.

 

            If telling children to “Use you words” worked for most kids, grown-ups would have little with children’s feelings.  Children need a variety of ways to respond-auditory, physical, visual, creative, and self-nurturing.  First children need to practice different responses when they are calm.  Then when children are familiar with different ways to respond, you may ask them which they would like to try when they are upset.

 

 

4. Offer tools to resolve situations that are hard for them.

 

            If James wants the truck Eli has, teach him to ask, wait, or trade for it.  If Sonia gets frustrated putting puzzles together, teach her how to take breaks or breathe deeply so she does not get upset.  You can use the books like I Want It, I Can’t Wait or I Want to play to introduce options.  Research has found the more alternatives a child have, the better their social behavior.